Monday, December 8, 2008

fear begins.

graduating in may.
the fear comes
the questions begin
"where to next?"
do i stay in madison another year?
do i move back to appleton to save money?
do i leave the country because i can, i have nothing holding me here, no one no job no home?
i have my life in a suitcase and i continue to change my mind on where to next.
i fear to stay here another year, i'm growing bored of this town.
i fear to leave the country i fear to leave the comfort of 'home'
i'm not financially ready to move to a bigger city, and i don't think i even want to yet, i don't want to get caught up in that life style yet. not when there are so many more to experience first.

when i close my eyes i see faces i haven't met yet, smiles of children who needs a friend.
i don't see New York anymore. 
my dreams are changing and i'm alright with that.
i want to travel and take photographs of people who have never had their photograph taken. 
what will come of this mind of mine,
where will i be next year this time?
I fear.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

my daily schedule

i wake
i drink coffee.
i work out.
i knit.
i read.
i photograph.
i edit.
i'm bored.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

thoughts of a life that isn't mine.

"if i had my life to live over i'd try to make more mistakes next time. i would relax. i would limber up. i'd be sillier than i have been on this trip. i know of a very few things i would take seriously. i would be less hygenic i would take more chances i would climb more mountains, swim more rivers. i would burn more gasoline and eat more ice cream and less beans. i would have actual problems and less imaginary ones. you see i'm one of those people who lives sensibly and sanely hour by hour day after day.
oh, i've had my moments and if i had my life to live over i'd have more of them in fact t'd have nothing else just moments one after another.. instead of living so many years ahead each day. i've been on of those people who never goes anywhere without a theremometer, how water bottle, rain coat and parachute.
if i had my life to live over i'd go places and do things and travel lighter than i have. if i had my life to live over i would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way longer in the fall. i would play hooky more. i wouldn't make such good grades, except by accident. i'd ride more merry-go-rounds. i'd pick more dasies."
Madine Stair age 85

Monday, October 27, 2008

i don't want to be here for another winter.
next winter i want to live where english is second.
where its warm.
i want to live at an orphanage, hang out with kids, learn from them photograph them love them.
can i?
can i please?
i'm going to consider it.

Monday, September 29, 2008


i got a new bike today.
its pretty its french.
my mother then told me a story that made me think my father was even more amazing than i already do (i didn't think it was possible)
he skipped his high school graduation with his two best friends and instead biked all the way to Florida, and for a month lived in a horrible apartment and worked part time jobs, then ran out of money and biked all the way back to Wisconsin.
when i'm older, i want to be like my parents. 
if i get married, i want to share love like they do.
if i have kids i want to parent like they did.
they are amazing.

Friday, September 26, 2008

today is not a good day.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

remote control.

(lady on the left told me she wished the world was ran by a remote control, fast forward the bad stuff, mute the rude, and stop the evil. the lady on the right, always tells me things will be okay, and when she says it it brings me comfort)

i can tell big is about to happen.

it's when you loose comfort is when your eyes will open up to yourself.

i'm loosing me comfort.
and im scared.
but excited.

Sunday, September 21, 2008


my dearest friend abi halland

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

fall fashion
taken for Madison Magazine

Monday, September 15, 2008

Saturday, September 13, 2008


"There is a reason and there is a meaning..
you will know in time but time itself
will choose the moment."
-Kent Nerburn.

[book suggestion.
Sabrina Ward Harrison
'the art of becoming yourself']

"i have learned that trust comes and goes. and love comes before hate. i have learned to take a bit more off and rest a little deeper. i have learned that i am enough. i have learned that no one else can love me for me. I have learned that trying again is important and decisivness is good. i have learned that silence hurts. i have learned about starting over and releasing pride. i have learned that frustration is allowed and talking it through is necessary" 
-sabrina ward harrison.
she is a good one to learn from



Friday, September 12, 2008

Todays Photo

Emily and Codrut.
a wedding a photographed in August.



Thursday, September 11, 2008

self portrait

September 11th photo.
Self Portrait 
New Room 

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

a photograph for September 10th

  Photo Of The Day.
Clothing- American Apparel
Model-Kyndra James 

the beginning of something

i decided to start a blog.
i haven't had one since the days of xanga, and i can't seem to remember my password for it, more likely because i was 15 when i owned a xanga.

i work in 20 minutes, the same restaurant i have been working since the first day i moved to this city. I long for change, but i know i would regret leaving my family that i have gained at that place. 
i need change, get out of my comfort zone of being a waitress and get more into photography. its time to gain more independence in my art.

its a new beginning for me, its called real life. no more long school days, i must find work i must find peace i must grow up.
going on 3 years in this town, 4 is the most i will stay.

get out of the comfort of Wisconsin, and go see... 

"if you don't go, you won't see"
I'm sick of looking at the world through a picture book.
it's my turn