The King and I

fear begins.

graduating in may.

the fear comes

the questions begin

"where to next?"

do i stay in madison another year?

do i move back to appleton to save money?

do i leave the country because i can, i have nothing holding me here, no one no job no home?

i have my life in a suitcase and i continue to change my mind on where to next.

i fear to stay here another year, i'm growing bored of this town.

i fear to leave the country i fear to leave the comfort of 'home'

i'm not financially ready to move to a bigger city, and i don't think i even want to yet, i don't want to get caught up in that life style yet. not when there are so many more to experience first.

when i close my eyes i see faces i haven't met yet, smiles of children who needs a friend.

i don't see New York anymore. 

my dreams are changing and i'm alright with that.

i want to travel and take photographs of people who have never had their photograph taken. 

what will come of this mind of mine,

where will i be next year this time?

I fear.

my daily schedule

i wake

i drink coffee.

i work out.

i knit.

i read.

i photograph.

i edit.

i'm bored.

thoughts of a life that isn't mine.

"if i had my life to live over i'd try to make more mistakes next time. i would relax. i would limber up. i'd be sillier than i have been on this trip. i know of a very few things i would take seriously. i would be less hygenic i would take more chances i would climb more mountains, swim more rivers. i would burn more gasoline and eat more ice cream and less beans. i would have actual problems and less imaginary ones. you see i'm one of those people who lives sensibly and sanely hour by hour day after day.
oh, i've had my moments and if i had my life to live over i'd have more of them in fact t'd have nothing else just moments one after another.. instead of living so many years ahead each day. i've been on of those people who never goes anywhere without a theremometer, how water bottle, rain coat and parachute.
if i had my life to live over i'd go places and do things and travel lighter than i have. if i had my life to live over i would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way longer in the fall. i would play hooky more. i wouldn't make such good grades, except by accident. i'd ride more merry-go-rounds. i'd pick more dasies."
Madine Stair age 85

i don't want to be here for another winter.

next winter i want to live where english is second.

where its warm.

i want to live at an orphanage, hang out with kids, learn from them photograph them love them.

can i?

can i please?

www.friendsoftheorphans.org

i'm going to consider it.